My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
