I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
