There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
