i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
