Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
