I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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