Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
