just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
