The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
