my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
