They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How does it feel to date your dad?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
