and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
