I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
