Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
they need to just BURY HIM!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
