I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
