and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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