I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize