Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
