So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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