Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
