Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
