I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
