OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
