She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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