she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
