I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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