i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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