You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
