buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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