Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
