We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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