I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
