somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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