He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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