You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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