NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
