some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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