I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize