So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No subtext here. People are naked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
