they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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