I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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