i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
