After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
