He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
