I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
