I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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