I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
