if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
