And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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