In the future we'll all be gay
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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