then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize