My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
