the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
