walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
