my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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