Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize