can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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