I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
