My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
