Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
