she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
