I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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