Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize