I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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