Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
