I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
