how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
