i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
