You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
