that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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