i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
