It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
