fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
