So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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