i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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