It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
