I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
