If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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