I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
