Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
