I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
