Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
