woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Houston, we have a blender
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
