You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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