I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
