Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
