saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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