a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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