Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Did I show you my penis last night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
