went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
