i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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