I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
