Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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