Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
