alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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