Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
